My Eating Disorder Stories:
Popcorn
There is one memory in particular that I'm still embarrassed by. During the time I had a full-blown eating disorder I had a few of my high school friends come over to watch a movie. Like a good hostess, I would always offer my friends snacks. To me, offering them snacks felt like a giant mental hurdle because I knew I'd "cave" and eat snacks with them. I knew that by the end of the night I'd feel sick to my stomach from over eating.
At the beginning of the night I threw a bag of plain popcorn into the microwave (that's right, no butter or salt...of course)! While the popcorn was popping I ran down stairs to start the movie. After a few minutes, I remembered the popcorn and came leaping up the basement stairs to get it. As I arrived to the top of the stairs my mom handed me a nice size bowl of popcorn and smiled.
At the beginning of the night I threw a bag of plain popcorn into the microwave (that's right, no butter or salt...of course)! While the popcorn was popping I ran down stairs to start the movie. After a few minutes, I remembered the popcorn and came leaping up the basement stairs to get it. As I arrived to the top of the stairs my mom handed me a nice size bowl of popcorn and smiled.
I grabbed the bowl and immediately ate a few pieces of the popcorn.
God forbid! I tasted salt.
God forbid! I tasted salt.
SALT! Like a spoiled brat, I shot my mom the "look of death" when I realized she had salted the popcorn. I was so pissed that she had lightly salted the popcorn. I remember feeling like she had just ruined the popcorn. I don't remember what I said, but I remember seeing a very surprised look on her face. With a defensive tone my mom explained that she wanted to give it more flavor. I still cringe when I think about what I put my mom through that night and every day. Imagine having to defend yourself for salting popcorn at a movie night in your own home! She could have sprinkled pesticide on the popcorn and I would have had the same horrified reaction. My poor mom was just being thoughtful and I, in my unhealthy universe, felt angry and attacked.
In retrospect my Mom had done something totally normal. Most normal, healthy people add salt or butter to their popcorn without thinking because it makes the popcorn taste really good! Sadly, when you're sick and suffering from an eating disorder, every calorie, every grain of salt, counts.
While this anecdote is a brief one, it highlights a few important red flags or potential signs of eating disorders:
You might have an eating disorder if:
1) You're obsessing over the super nitty-gritty details of your food
2) Your food/eating patterns impact your relationships with family and friends
3) Food becomes an emotional roller coaster
Sharing this makes me curious about eating disorders and relationships with family. Have any other readers mistreated their family members because of their disorder? I would love to hear your story. Feel free to share with me at margaretjmccabe@gmail.com. Thank you!
In retrospect my Mom had done something totally normal. Most normal, healthy people add salt or butter to their popcorn without thinking because it makes the popcorn taste really good! Sadly, when you're sick and suffering from an eating disorder, every calorie, every grain of salt, counts.
While this anecdote is a brief one, it highlights a few important red flags or potential signs of eating disorders:
You might have an eating disorder if:
1) You're obsessing over the super nitty-gritty details of your food
2) Your food/eating patterns impact your relationships with family and friends
3) Food becomes an emotional roller coaster
Sharing this makes me curious about eating disorders and relationships with family. Have any other readers mistreated their family members because of their disorder? I would love to hear your story. Feel free to share with me at margaretjmccabe@gmail.com. Thank you!
xx
Meggasus
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